Add Nutella To The List Of Overhyped And Overrated Foods

 

If you have ever talked to a girl before/work in an office/been to college, you would know chicks talks nonstop about Nutella. It’s always Nutella this, Nutella that. Here, there, everywhere. You would think Nutella was injected into cancer patients to cure them with how highly white girls talk about it. So naturally, I had never had it before this last weekend. Wasn’t something that interested me, wasn’t something I was going to buy, just had no need for it. Fuck, I went 25 years without having a Big Mac, do you think I actually had Nutella before?

So on Saturday, I had my first taste of Nutella. Mind you, this shit has been hyped to the moon. But I went in with a clear mind, full heart, couldn’t lose. I said I was going to give it a fair shake of the lamb’s tail, not using previous evaluations of it to make mine. I wasn’t going to crown Kentucky the 1-seed based on previous seasons. That’s not how I roll. So I had a nice glop of it, and I have to say, it might be the most overhyped shit in the world. More overhyped and overrated than Sriracha, and that stuff doesn’t hold a candle to other hot sauces. More overrated than Greek yogurt, which has a texture that I can only imagine is similar to cum, which is the only reason I can think girls like it. There’s no other explanation for the way girls stockpile Greek yogurt. When I worked in an office, the community fridge was packed with that stuff top to bottom. Want to put something in there? Wait til after breakfast hours where every girl pranced their overweight ass in there to eat glorified jizz.

So now add Nutella to the list. Overrated as the day is long. First of all, hazelnut? That’s the key ingredient? I thought it was supposed to be peanut butter or something, not some 3rd class scumbag nut like the hazelnut. You can’t really trust anything with the world “hazel” in it, to be honest. When girls have poop-brown eyes but they are embarrassed, they always say their eyes are “hazel”. No, they look like poop, own it. So that should have been my first clue that Nutella wouldn’t be that great. There’s just no reason for Nutella to get the hype it’s gotten. None. I’m not even saying it’s gross. It was decent. Like a 6 or so out of 10. But girls want to burn the American flag and raise a jar of Nutella up the flag pole on July 4th, and that’s what I don’t get. They want to burn the bible and just eat Nutella in church. Overhyped, overrated, and overeaten. That’s what Nutella is.